David and Faith Oyedepo
How to choose a marriage partner – Oyedepo.
The question, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” is what many single ladies yearn to hear. Many young unmarried men however, find it hard to ask this question for so many reasons. Many ladies who have had the benefit of being asked the question either jump at the opportunity or lose the opportunity entirely, simply because they do not know what to watch out for, what to say or how to say it.
Many men and women remain single, believing God for their own life partners in marriage without making any effort to do that which will bring this blessing their way. You may be wondering how possible it is to find a marriage partner amongst so many choices. You may even begin to think that it is impossible to find the right person in a world that is full of different characters, pretences, uncertainty and changes.
Many eligible singles see the act of finding a marriage partner as a hard task of ‘looking for a needle in a haystack’. Well, I have got good news for all singles, unmarried and even those that are married and are looking for ways to give biblical ways of finding a marriage partner to their children and friends. This month, I will be revealing to you, some Bible truths on how to find your own marriage partner.
God has made some spiritual tools available in His Word for this purpose and the major prerequisite required, is in seeking, in order to find. God’s Word in Matthew 7:7-8 says: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Proverbs 18:20 says: Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. The act of finding simply means that there are conscious steps to take, when you are considering marriage. Every man must find his wife, and finding is not just a spiritual process. You must open your physical eyes wide in order to find. It is your responsibility to assess what you are seeing, whether it is what you really want or not and the first step to getting a marriage partner is to sincerely DESIRE one. It means having a strong wish to have something. It is not just wanting it but having in addition, a strong determination to have it. There must be a strong desire for a partner because it is what you desire that will be fulfilled (Proverbs 10:24). So, if you sincerely desire in your heart to have a marriage partner, then let it find expression on the outside.
Admit your desire privately and publicly without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Don’t pretend! Admit your desire before God and man and declare your stand boldly. Finding a marriage partner is not a carnal thing when it is done using God’s laid down principles. It is this same desire that will consciously push you to find out what God’s provisions for marriage as written in the scriptures are. You must find out what instructions, commandments, corrections, promises and counsel have been made available, for you to be properly directed in making the right choice. Your primary instruction manual to follow in order to be sure of success is the Bible.
The scripture is the only sure foundation and since God is the author of the institution of marriage, He knows it better than any man. He will not hesitate to show them to you when you genuinely ask Him to. Romans 8:32 confirms this: He that spared not his own son, but delivered him up for us all; how shall he not with him also give us all things? The answer is, ‘He will’.
Unlike your earthly parents, relations and friends who may at one time or the other try to match make marriage partners for you, God will not interfere in all you do in finding a marriage partners, unless you ask Him to in PRAYER. His Word will show you what to do and how to go about doing it but God Himself, will not get involved in it unless you invite Him to. This is so because of the event that happened in Genesis 2:20-25. When God “arranged a wife for Mr. Adam. Mr. Adam did not experience the work of finding, choosing, deciding carefully or proposing to Miss Eve. He just slept, woke up and found a woman beside him. With full excitement, he broke into prophecy and said, “this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”.
I cannot remember him saying a ‘thank you’ to God. God had done all MR. Adam needed to do but his reply to God’s question later on when things went wrong in the garden of Eden, was “… The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12). This, in other words meant, ‘God, you are the one that gave me this woman and she disobeyed you. I did not ask you for a woman… If you had not given me this woman, everything would still be okay… so, it is not my fault, it is yours”. Since that time till today, God’s new rule for marriage in Proverbs 18:22 is: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. So, is” WHOSO findeth.” You must do the act of finding a marriage partner by yourself and unless you invite me into the matter, I will not interfere in it!
However, God’s help in making the right decision cannot be overruled. God only listens to the prayers of His children. You, too, can become His child today by being born again. That is only when you begin to enjoy divine direction for the right decisions.
Choosing a life partner is crucial; it is a lifetime decision in which God’s intervention is indispensable. God’s involvement in the matter is via your prayers. Come to Him with an open spirit in prayer, specifically telling Him the kind of partner you want by identifying your God-given vision in life and asking for a partner that will complement that vision “… everyone that asketh receiveth… (Matthew 7:8). Be confident that He loves you HE knows your end form the beginning and wants only the best for you. If you ask in prayers, you will receive. Having prayed about it, give God thanks and relax. Refuse to be anxious, worried, edgy and impatient about the situation. Maintain an absolute trust in God and His Word.
Another important step to take when finding a marriage partner is MAKING YOURSELF FIT FOR MARRIAGE physically, spiritually, materially and mentally. Even though it is true that you would not just want any kind of person for a marriage partner since you would have some uncompromising qualities that you are looking for in a person, you also must make conscious effort to become as good as the type of person you desire. Lester Sumrall, one of God’s great generals and a man married for about half a century, said, “The key to success in marriage is not so much as marrying the right person, but becoming the right person.” Many Christians keep bothering so much about marrying the right person. They keep ‘bombarding’ the gates of Heaven, crying, “Lord, give me a good husband or a good wife.”
Matthew 7:3-5 says: And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. How do you suppose that you can remove the spec (or broomstick) in your brother’s eye, when you have a log of wood in your own eye? Which is greater? Is it not when you have taken the log of wood out of your own eye that you can see clearly enough to help your brother remove the broomstick in his eye? In case you have been praying and fasting for the right person, change gear and start praying, “Lord, make me the right person.”
Haven’t you heard it said that birds of the same feather flock together? If you are an unserious Christian, how do you expect that a serious Christian will want to marry you? Even if God showed him in a dream that you are his wife, he will say “No, Sir!” Why? Two cannot walk together except they agree. As you make yourself right, God simply adds to you the blessing of a life partner! Let your heart pant after God and His kingdom. Let God be your focus. Purpose in your heart to be more prayerful, more word addicted, more service minded and you can expect Heaven to send your way a choice young man or young woman!
Remember, like beget like and water seeks its own level. If you desire a pastor as a partner, you also must build yourself up in the things of God. If you desire a financial pillar for the church of Christ as a partner, you must build yourself up to be a worthy compliment. If you want something good, then you too, must consciously work on yourself and become good.
Physical appearances also, matter a lot in finding a partner. It is the first attraction before many other things that end up in the question, ‘will you marry me?’ A wise man once said that the way you dress, determines the way you are addresses. A young man whose general appearance is one of laziness, carelessness, irresponsibility and being unkept at all times, will definitely not attract any single lady’s attention. No woman will welcome any proposal from this kind of man. On the other hand, if you are a woman seeking to marry a gentleman, who’s faithful, handsome, respectable, God-fearing as your knight in shinning armour, then you have to make yourself twice as faithful, respectable, beautiful and God-fearing too! Do unto others as you want them to do unto you…? (Matthew 7:12) and Proverbs 27:12 says: Iron sharpens iron’.
However, in finding a marriage partner, never choose to marry unbeliever no matter the choice, qualities, vision, dream or counsel. You must ensure that your intended partner is BORN AGAIN. HE or she must have accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. II Corinthians 6:14-16 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? …
The unbeliever is out of consideration in your choice of who to marry. Seek a partner who believes in the same faith as you do and if you are not born again, you can do so right now, as you say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”
C
